Movement

I’m a mover. I’ve always been a mover. My body is in constant motion. It is an involuntary action. My fingers tap and my leg bounces. I love to have something to read and I love having music going in every room I’m in. Usually it is soft instrumental music. I don’t like to much noise, but quiet music to listen to is perfect. I’m forever busy. I can’t just sit still. I can’t just eat a bowl of cereal. I can’t just watch TV. I multi-task everything. It isn’t that I’m trying to get more done with my day, that is just the way I am. When I eat breakfast, for example, the act of eating is so mundane; I can do it without thinking. I spoon the cereal into my mouth, chew, and swallow. So, why not do more with my mind and time? I love to read magazines and cookbooks while I eat breakfast. I’ll read anything, even the ingredients of the cereal box if that is all I’ve got.

When I was in school, my leg bounced all the time. I was sitting at my desk, reading, working, etc. and my leg moved constantly. It was never a conscious movement. It is what my Dear Hubby calls a nervous habit. When I watched TV I would always cross-stitch. Why just sit and watch a show when I can sit and watch a show AND work on my latest cross-stitch project.

When I can’t go to sleep right away at night, my leg muscles start to flex or my big toe moves in beat with whatever song is going through my head. It drives Dear Hubby crazy.

I’m a mover.

Then I had children. Now, you might think that I would move more in my day because of my children. I thought so too, until my first baby was born. I went from moving constantly to sitting still while I nursed a newborn. Then this newborn wanted to be held through his naps. If I put him down he started screaming, and rather than dealing with the screams, I sat still. I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t like it. I found a solution quickly. I started reading. In the first three months of that baby’s life I read 15 books. (My big toe was probably moving while I was reading.) I read many great books, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Dark is Rising series, The Black Cauldron series and many more. When baby turned four months old he became aware of his surroundings and didn’t let me peacefully read and hold him at the same time. Suddenly he started hitting the books with his little fists or kicking them with his feet.

(Funny thing about this baby is that he was a mover too. From the day he was born, his arms and legs moved constantly, even while nursing. When he would fall asleep his body would twitch. It could never settle down. Where did he get that from?)

Sitting still has been the toughest part of being a parent of small children. For some strange reason, all of my children have preferred that they be held while they nap. The moment they are put down, they wake up and begin to cry. Again, rather than deal with the screaming, I sit and hold them. I have found ways to stay busy. My left arm is strong. I can hold a sleeping baby for a long time in my left arm. So with my right I do many things. Surfing the Internet is a super way to keep busy while sitting still. The only thing that moves is my right hand. A slight movement of my hand moves the mouse all over the screen. A light click with my right index finger leads me into new pages to read. I’ve read a lot about many topics thanks to Internet and sitting still with a sleeping baby. When the baby is sleeping, I can read. I tend to keep at least two books on my stand right next to my rocking chair. Right now you would find the books Speak and Names Through the Ages. As well as being a mom, I’m an armchair linguist.

A few weeks ago I had a wonderful experience in sitting still. The baby was fussy and ready for his morning feeding and nap. This baby is a bottle-fed baby. That was his choice, not mine, but that is another story. So I sat down in my favorite chair, my rocking chair, nestled him comfortably in my left arm and put the bottle in his mouth. With my right hand I picked up the latest book I was reading, Voyage of the Dawn Treader, a Narnia book that I’m re-reading for the first time since my first baby. I had not been reading long when my two year old comes up to me. She climbs up into my lap and settles herself on the right side of my lap. I re-adjust the baby, the bottle, the book and we make room for the toddler. Soon, they are both asleep and I sigh in relief at the peace that settles over us and I can read my book with no interruption. After a blissful hour, I finish my book. Still my lap is full and I’m stuck under two sleeping kids. Any mom will say the best thing to do is not to wake sleeping babies. Because of the precarious position I’m in balancing the kids I can’t reach my book, Speak, on the stand next to me. So I sit there, trapped. I start thinking of the things that need to get done. There is laundry to fold, dishes to clean, a floor to be swept, a bathroom in great need of a good scrubbing. Ahhh, I’m stuck! I shouldn’t be sitting here, I should be working, but if I get up, both kids will wake up, and I don’t want to do that.

I realized that there are times in life that the only thing that needs to be done is just to sit still. I looked at the children lying on either side of my lap. They are beautiful. They are sleeping with total peace because Mom is holding them. I reflect on how lucky I am to have such two beautiful, healthy children. It wasn’t all that long ago that I held their two older brothers this way. Now neither of those boys can fit in my lap, much less two of them. They grow up so fast. It won’t be much longer before the toddler gets to big and sooner than I’m ready, the baby will be to big for my lap. This baby is the last. There are no more after him. He is my last opportunity to hold a baby like this. As I sat there, stuck under two children, I realized how wonderful it was to sometimes just sit completely still and enjoy the moment, a moment that will be gone all to soon.

The morning light is shining through the curtains in the window, giving everything in the room an icy blue glow. It is a peaceful color. There is no noise – no music, no television, no telephones, nothing. All I hear are the birds outside and the sound of peaceful breathing coming from my children. I sit there for forty-five minutes more looking at the children, thinking, and saying a silent prayer of thanks. Thank you for these sweet babies, thank you for my comfy rocking chair, thank you for allowing me to finish my book, and thank you for forcing me to sit still and bask in the precious moments of babyhood. I’ll be a mother forever, but a mother of a baby and toddler for a short time and each day that passes makes that time shorter.

There are times where we (I) need to forget the laundry, forget the dishes, forget the To Do list and not feel guilty about sitting still. Forty-five minutes after I finished my book and sat in peace with my babies, the infant woke up and that sweet, peaceful time was over. The baby woke up the toddler and the toddler decided she was ready for lunch. We got up out of the rocking chair and I faced the dishes in the sink. Who cares? I just had the best morning; I can handle anything.

ML
27 May 2006


Books mentioned:
The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by CS Lewis
The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper
The Black Cauldron by Lloyd Alexander
Speak by Tore Janson
Names Through the Ages by Teresa Norman