I've been feeling a little sad the last few days. Depressed is probably a better word. There are a number things that I don't like about my life, but a lot of it, I can't control or I have very little control. And while those things are tough, it really isn't those things that are getting me down right now. I'm in a nice house and have pleasent people to say hello to when I go to church.
What is making life so hard right now is Peanut. I love her to death, but she is driving me up the wall. If I move, she starts to cry and scream. Honestly, today I was here at the computer reading something and all I did was stretch. She started to scream, dropped what she was doing and grabbed my skirt. She stood there screaming at me.
In RS, we are doing some service projects and I'm helping by sewing some tote bags. I have all the fabric cut. All I have to do it sit and sew. Peanut stands at my side, screaming. When I need to stand and do anything, put ear plugs in. Her levels of screaming will make ears bleed and dogs howl.
For breakfast I eat scones. When I don't have any, I find myself snacking on worse things. I've been out of scones for a week and a half, but to make them requires me to stand and move about the kitchen. I've tripped over Peanut, who pulls on my pants or skirts, screaming at me many times. I want to cook, I want to work, I want to scrub the floor, I want to hang laundry, fold it and put it away. I want to work on other projects. I want to play with my other two children at home during the day, but Peanut does not let me do anything, and if I do, she will be following me around, screaming.
I just can't accomplish anything worth while. I can't even acoomplish anything stupid. When nothing happens, the house gets messy, we eat frozen pizzas, and I get angry. I need to work, I need to move and my desire to work is rewarded with the screams of my 11 month old. What have I done wrong? What did I do that deserves this screaming treatment? This is why I'm overweight, unhappy, and in a very messy house, all efforts I make to do just about everything is thwarted by my screaming baby and my sensitive ears.