thoughts

I've been wanting to post more, but Peanut keeps me from doing it as often as I like. Right now she is fussing at me, but her older sister is working hard to keep her happy. I've also been depressed lately. I have a hard time keeping positive thoughts, so I don't write. I don't want my post to reflect my not so happy attitude.

I'm trying to work out in my mind what I can do to make myself happier, more grateful for my situations, more loving and more accepting. I want to talk it out, as women are prone to do, but I don't feel I have anyone I really can talk to, or who would really want to listen to me rattle on. My hubby is frustrating me and my kids are driving me crazy with their lack of compassion towards each other. I have about 5 great projects and ideas that I'm wanting so much to work on, but with zero opportunity to do it. The thing is I can't change my hubby, I can teach my kids compassion, but it is up to them to follow it, and I should know, after having 5 kids, that I can't do personal projects while the babies are in their first year of life. I need to change me, but I'm not sure how.

I'm always stumped as to what the first step to take is. Hmmm, if the kids can give me a few minutes of alone time, maybe I can think of something. Sorry for the post, but I'm honestly having a hard time thinking of funny, positive things to write.

I guess some nice things are Peanut is just adorable! Anything that comes into contact with her hand is immediately shoved into her mouth. She charms everyone at church. When I get up in RS to lead the music, I never have a hard time passing her off to someone. She is strong, she is smart and I can see in her eyes the desire to be a big kid and play with her brothers and sister. I want her to grow until she can sit up on her own, then she has to stop. I forbid her to grow more. I want her to stay sweet, cute and unable to tell me "NO".