Did you plug it in the wall?

Do you ever just feel insulted? 

OK, not the best start or the right way to ask that question.

You've seen/heard the joke where the guy calls customer service saying, "well, I turned it on and nothing happened."  And the customer service guys says, "is it plugged into the wall?"  And of course for the joke's purpose, the appliance is not plugged in.  Oops.  Ha ha, we all laugh.

Well, that's fine and dandy for a sitcom, but in real life, it's just plain insulting and yet, you've had that kind of question fired at you when you've asked for help, haven't you?

Today, I call our cell phone server because in our new home we don't get service.  Nothing.  First, I go through the automated menus that ask for the phone number and name on the account.  Then, the automated voice tries to help problem solve with me.  It asks me have I turned the phone off and then on again since having this problem.  Duh!

I get transferred to an operator who asks me for the same information.  Name?  Phone number?  What's the problem?  Did you try turning it off and on?   Calmly I answer in the affirmative.  Then I'm asked, did you go outside?  I explain, again, that we don't get any service for 5 miles away from the house.  This is beyond her power.  She transfers me to the tech guys.

Tech guy asks me name?  Phone number?  What's the problem?  Did you try turning it off and on.  (Really, by this point you have to ask?  Do you really think I'm that stupid?)  I explain there is no service until about 5 miles away from the house.  He asks me, "so, what is it you need me to help you with today?"  I tell him that if there is no way to get service here, we need to alter or cancel our plan since it's silly to pay for services not being received.

He asks me to remove the battery.  It's not going to help.  The problem isn't my phone, it's your service, but I comply.  Nope, still not the problem.  He says to me, "well, now we know the problem isn't your phone."  I slap the air.  Too bad the guy isn't there.

Then he asks me, will you go outside and try?  I say, "Sir, we have no service for 5 miles from the house, going outside on the back porch really isn't going to help."  He tells me to go out and try it anyway.  I go out the back door.  Hello winter weather!  No sir, still no service. DUH!

After a while, he tells me he will put in a service request.  A couple of guys will figure out what is going on with the signal.  There is service, he tells me, but something is interfering with the tower's signal. I should see this entire thing corrected in three days time.

Yeah, dude.  We'll see.

This is just one example I've dealt with recently of such idiotic questions.  It's never their fault, it must be something wrong with me.  Oh silly me.  I forgot to plug it in.  Oh silly me.  I forgot my son's correct birthday.  Gosh, where was I when he was born that I wouldn't remember?  No, wait.  I was there - so BELIEVE ME!  I'm not stupid people!  Give me the benefit of a doubt that I have tried the simple things first.

Rant, rant, rave, rave.  Don't mess with me right now.  I'm feeling confrontational.  Does anyone need their insurance company called?  I will call and yell at them.  I need away from the house, some chocolate and a few laughs.